You glanced nervously at your watch. Your husband, Francis, was almost an hour late. He had promised he'd be home around six for dinner, it was now hitting seven. Sighing heavily you blew out the candle and put his dinner in the fridge.
Rubbing your pregnant belly you groaned as you heard a car pulled into the driveway.
"I'm home," shouted a Francis.
Ignoring him you continued to wash the dishes.
He walked into the kitchen to find you scrubbing dishes, "
_________." He walked up behind you and planed butterfly kisses on your neck, "What's wrong?"
He paused as if he didn't expect that. But after a quick glance at the clock he realized the time. "I'm sorry," he said kissing you again. You giggled slightly as his chin tickled you. "Am I forgiven?"
"How about this, you and I spend a romantic day together just the two of us."
You giggled, "There's three of us."
Francis laughed and rubbed your belly while giving you a gently kiss on the lips, "Oui, the three of us."
"What did I do?" Francis shouted trying to escape your wrath.
You grabbed what was available, in this case your hairbrush, and started to chase him with it. "I hate you! You a-hole! Manwhore!" at each insult you would hit him with your "weapon".
"I am not!" he cried in distress, "I've only been with you I swear!"
"Oh yeah, what about before we got together, hmmm?"
Francis turned pale, "_-_________."
"I knew it!" you started to cry, dropping your hairbrush and covering your eyes with your hands.
"__________, ____________, I never loved them! I love you," he said desperately trying to get you to stop crying.
"Really?" you asked your cries subsiding.
"Yes," he said smiling, "Even though I slept with hundreds of women I've only loved you."
"Hundreds?" you asked starting to cry again.
Francis paled again, "Non, non! Please stop crying!"
You continued to bawl. "I'm so ugly."
"Non, mi amour you are-."
"I'm so fat!"
"I'M FAT!" you shouted running to the couch, pulled a pillow up to your face, and screamed into it.
You felt the weight on the couch shift as your husband sat down next to you groaning, "__________, I love you." He wrapped his arms around you. "I love you. Please, please. Stop. Crying
Sniffling you said, "You love me?"
"Oui," he sighed in relief as your cries subsided.
"You don't think I'm fat?" you mumbled into his shirt. He didn't hear you so you took his silence the wrong way. "Francis
"Oui mi amour?"
You pushed away from him, "YOU JERK!" With that you ran back to your room and slammed the door.
Francis let out a whine of hopelessness and collapsed onto the couch.