“Men stink!” you cried as you blew your nose into a tissue loudly, making a honking noise as you did so.
“I know sweetie I know,” Eliza said patting your back, “they’re all pigs.”
You nodded, “I know, right?” You blew your nose once again. You had just found that you’re your boyfriend of five months was cheating on you with the easiest girl on campus. “I should just kill myself.”
“Don’t do that ________,” Eliza said hurriedly. “Find a new hobby! Get a pet! Just don’t…you know.”
Eliza gave a sigh of relief and checked her wristwatch, “Well…Roderich is going to take me out to dinner so I got-.”
You let out a loud moan of despair.
“To call him and tell him I can’t make it,” Eliza mumbled.
You grabbed your friend and cried harder.
The next day you went to the animal shelter.
“What sort of animal are you looking for?” the man said chewing his gum, bored.
“Umm, a cat?” you asked.
He led you to a room filled with cats.
Large cats. Fuzzy cats. And one scary cat in the corner. But none were right.
You left feeling quite dejected and rejected.
That was until you heard a soft meowing in the ally way on your way home. In a brown cardboard were four kittens.
“Hello,” you whispered kneeling down for a kitten. It was so tiny and fluffy you almost squealed. It meowed softy and nuzzled your hand. You looked down again; one was covered in orange patches. You put a finger to it to feel it and it licked your finger cutely.
Then there were two more. Perfect twins.
“Want to come home with me?” you asked the fuzzy one.
The kitten gave a soft meow you took to be a yes.
“I have to name you…” you looked at the fuzzy white one, “Let’s see…you’re all fancy white and…Francis? You like that?”
The newly dubbed Francis mewed happily.
You smiled, “Alright then. Now you…patches…Patches?”
The kitten seemed to frown.
“No? Ok…something dignified…something like…Arthur? Do you link that?”
The kitten’s head bobbed.
“Now for the twins…Aaaaaaaalfred? And Matthew!”
The twins meowed quietly, but happily at their new names.
“Francis, Arthur, Alfred, and Mattew, my new babies.”
--Time skip to two years—
“Francis!” you shouted at your cat, “Give me my underwear back!”
The cat merely laughed at you and ran off with your underwear.
“That sneaky cat,” you grumbled, giving up. You turned to Arthur who was sitting on the newspaper, apparently reading it. “Where did I go wrong?”
Arthur meowed in response and didn’t look up.
Matthew rubbed against your leg.
“Are you hungry Mattie?”
Matthew meowed a reply of ‘yes’.
“Ok, I’ll feed ya,” you walked into the kitchen only to find that Alfred had gotten into the bag of cat food. The sneaky tom had ripped the bag open and was eating it off the floor. “No wonder you’re getting so fat!”
As Alfred ate you cleaned up the food on the floor.
“Don’t worry Alfred I still love you.”
Matthew looked down and then you realized it was Matthew and not Alfred.
You sighed, “Sorry Mattie.”
Alfred rubbed against your knee and meowed, trying to get verbal confirmation of your love.
“Yes, Alfred, I love you too.”
Francis ran in and jumped on your lap, paws planted firmly on your chest.
The cat however, just seemed to laugh.
You loved your cats, and while you were sometimes referred to by your friends as the “crazy cat lady” you wouldn’t have traded them for anything. And you never felt the need to have another boyfriend again. Besides, every time you brought one home your cats always seemed to drive the poor boy away.